If the coup fits ...
America today gets its first felon-in-chief. Let the insanity resume.
And, so, here we are.
It’s been four years since we collectively waved a relieved “never see you again” to the man who began as an embarrassment and ended up cratering the country, who spent his entire term enriching himself while testing the limits of legality, who attempted to overturn a free and fair election by rallying a mob to storm the Capitol1, and who then had a hissy fit and didn’t bother turning up to pass the baton to the guy who beat him like a drum.
In between, America had multiple opportunities to put an end to the orange drama queen’s political viability. There were impeachments where the evidence of wrongdoing was overwhelming. Primaries where the ability to choose someone sane was easy. Criminality that was investigated far too late by the feckless Merrick Garland, who will be judged as harshly by history as he should be.
And, yet, here we are.
Donald John Trump—or Drumpf, as the family history goes—will today be inaugurated as the 47th president of the United States of America. He’s a failed businessman who blew more than a $400 million of daddy’s money. A guy who couldn’t make money from casinos. Who ran a fake charity, puts fake magazine covers on the wall, and faked his wealth to get on the Forbes rich list. He’s been found liable of sexual assault and defamation and 34 counts of falsifying business records, making him the first Felon of the United States.2 Oh, and the special counsel investigating that attempted coup last week said Trump would have been convicted had he not been able to escape behind the (utterly ridiculous) precedent of not prosecuting sitting presidents.3
“The through line of all of Mr. Trump’s criminal efforts was deceit—knowingly false claims of election fraud—and the evidence shows that Mr. Trump used these lies as a weapon to defeat a federal government function foundational to the United States’ democratic process,” Jack Smith wrote in his 137-page report. “Indeed, but for Mr. Trump’s election and imminent return to the presidency, the office assessed that the admissible evidence was sufficient to obtain and sustain a conviction at trial.”
Instead, we’ll today have Trump being sworn in indoors due to the extreme cold, and we’ll see what that means for the D-listers who were lined up to serenade him. While the artists are universally awful, Trump had at least this time managed to wrangle a few people have actually heard of. Of course, as with his first inauguration eight years ago, actual stars are avoiding him like he avoids the salad bar.
The same can’t be said for the nation’s technology leaders, who have very publicly decided insurrection, division, incoherence, and growing authoritarianism are no impediment to what’s really important: making money. Vice President Elon Musk will be there, keeping tabs on his $250 million investment, as will a carousel of what
calls “The Pathetic Billionaires’ Club”—a gaggle of fellow dweebs, all anxiously seeking Trump’s approval as they try to salve their deep insecurities.“I knew one day I’d have to watch powerful men burn the world down—I just didn’t expect them to be such losers,” was the headline of Rebecca Shaw’s column in the Guardian last week, where she ticked off the ways bros like Musk, Zuckerberg, Andrew Tate, and Jordan Peterson are beyond pathetic.
“Living your life to impress other men by hating women is one of the most embarrassing things I can imagine,” she wrote. “Looking up to any of these men for how to live your life is even sadder. I’ve worked hard to keep these kinds of men out of my personal life, to keep them away from me, out of my goddamn sight. Now they are in my face daily, not only influencing the world for the worse but making me nauseous at how uncool and pathetic they are, on top of their other sins. It’s too much, I can’t take it, there needs to be a change.”
For his part, Biden exited with a speech stating the obvious: “I want to warn the country of some things that give me great concern. And this is a dangerous—and that’s the dangerous concentration of power in the hands of a very few ultra-wealthy people, and the dangerous consequences if their abuse of power is left unchecked. Today, an oligarchy is taking shape in America of extreme wealth, power, and influence that literally threatens our entire democracy, our basic rights and freedoms and a fair shot for everyone to get ahead. We see the consequences all across America.”
Ironically, it’s during Biden’s economy that the tech bros’ wealth has soared, especially Musk. He built his fortune on the back of government bailouts and maintains it through government contracts, yet now bites the hand that feeds him. Same for Zuckerberg, who benefits not from government largesse but from its inaction in regulating a sector rapidly emerging as more addictive and destructive than tobacco, alcohol, opioids, and whatever else you can think of put together.
But instead of bending the nation’s curve toward greater equality or helping families with childcare or giving poorer folk a tax break or continuing to wean the country off fossil fuels or protecting the rights of women to control their bodies or any number of sane, sensible measures, we’ll today draw a line under a pretty decent run with nothing ahead of us but … who the hell knows?
“It’s not fashionable today to say so,” Bill Kristol wrote in The Bulwark. “But I’d argue that the past half century, when compared with other 50-year stretches in American or world history, stands up well. Obviously progress is never linear or one-sided. Every achievement has its drawbacks, and every success leaves some problems unaddressed and creates others.
“Still, there was less war, more freedom, and greater prosperity. That’s not a bad record. And yes, I’m going to say this, against all the fashionable denigration of ‘mere’ economic progress or technological advance or human freedom: The last half century has offered more opportunity for happiness for more people, at home and abroad, than ever before.”
Maybe that will continue. Maybe. Ian Bremmer last week noted Trump was inheriting a country arguably as powerful as ever: the US economy is strong, Russia is weak, Syria has fallen, Iran is reeling, and China is struggling to adapt to its lower growth trajectory. All of those things are true in isolation. But I also can’t help thinking America is also uniquely vulnerable.
Trump’s America first, win-loss view of the world utterly ignores the very mechanism by which the country assumed and maintained superpower status. All of that was on the back of cooperation; through the slow and not very sexy work of building alliances in the wreckage of World War II, of generating goodwill, and of leading by example. America became an indispensable nation, and its allies happily coddled themselves in learned helplessness.
Not any more. At Trump’s urgings—well, his bluff and bluster and ignorance—NATO countries are increasing defense spending. Countries are looking at threatened tariffs and constrained supply chains and preparing for life beyond the US, because they must. And I have a sneaking suspicion they may find they prefer it that way.
America has long assumed the world can’t live without it. But 76% of the global GDP is outside the US, along with almost 96% of the world’s people. It’s a big planet out there. As Trump takes power promising little more than retribution and incoherence, wouldn’t you avoid dealing with him if you can? And wouldn’t you also seek to avoid dealing with a country that elected him? We’ll find out.
A note about whatever this is …
After writing a few thousand articles for newspapers and magazines, I spent a long time trying a bunch of other stuff. I guess I figured what came (relatively) easily must by definition be less valuable, so I wandered in the corporate wilderness, becoming increasingly frustrated and doing work that felt increasingly lousy.
Sometimes with age comes wisdom, and I’ve realized finding something (relatively) easy ain’t a bad thing. So, this is a space where I’m resurrecting writing for myself, on topics weird and wild and wonderful.
Posts will appear when the mood takes me, but I do try to be consistently inconsistent—sometimes it’ll be a couple of days between drinks; sometimes a week. But if you subscribe, you’ll get a email letting you know I’m ranting. Again.
Huge props to my amazing fiancee for the title on this post, which came after a discussion of how right-wingers express outrage at suggestions Trump attempted a coup since the military wasn’t involved. Mmmmkay. In any case, it’s a great title.
Can we rebrand “Air Force One” as “Con Air”?
Let’s never hear two phrases ever again. First, “no one is above the law“ is obviously not true. And two, “he was prosecuted in the court of public opinion.” That’s … not a thing.
Hi Luke, Let the circus begin 🤦♀️