One of the joys of dumping my random thoughts on Substack has been the opportunity to discover smart things by smart people. And anyone who’s delved into my takes on the US education system, the state of the presidential race and politics generally, or the religion of workism must know I’m absolutely going to click on a post titled, “The way we live in the United States is not normal.” Because the way we live in this country is not normal. At all.
When I was backpacking at the age of 21, it was no mystery why other countries were called “foreign.” You may have some superficial sense of, say, the Netherlands (clogs!) or England (bad weather!), but the joy was in the discovery—devouring the Lonely Planet guides, learning from fellow travelers in hostels, meeting locals, savoring a huge meal in Prague only to learn that was just the first course, watching a chef roll a meatball in his armpit (that happened to a friend, not me!). I mean, these were the days before email when international phone calls ran to $5 a minute; when contact with home was collecting a bundle of mail poste restante every few weeks from whatever major city you were in.
Want to know about anything in the world today? Just Google it. Or search TikTok or Instagram. You can learn more about our planet and the people in it in a few minutes online than a month of traveling (even though the two will never compare). All of which is to say: there’s no excuse for us not to know better, which was largely the point of the post that piqued my interest by former journalist Kirsten Powers, which was subtitled “Why we are buying land in Italy” (and, yes, her family is). Here’s a quick excerpt.
“I began to notice a learned helplessness in the United States, where people don't revolt at the notion of a college education costing hundreds of thousands of dollars,” she wrote. “I wondered why so many people treat it as completely normal that we have GoFundMe campaigns to help people pay for life-saving medical care that their health insurance won't cover.
“I watched as people on social media claimed it was ‘pro-labor’ to tip a person for ringing up your order at a food or coffee chain rather than demanding the multi-millionaire (or billionaire) owner of that company pay their employees a living wage (as is the norm in Europe, where tipping is not expected and the owners of the restaurants and stores are typically not among the uber-wealthy).
“I realized there are other places in the world (not just Italy) where life isn't about conspicuous consumption and ‘crushing’ and ‘killing’ your life goals, where people aren't drowning in debt just to pay for basic life necessities. There are places where people have free time and where that free time is used to do things they love—not to start a side hustle.”
Not to downplay or dismiss the long, long list of things about America that simply aren’t normal, but it’s Powers’ last points that have preyed on my mind recently. Because it’s so easy for anyone thinking through what makes them tick and makes them happy to be derailed by how damn successful everyone else seems to be, at least if you believe the images they incessantly project.
There’s a sliding scale of ridiculousness when it comes to social media, from LinkedIn rating around three out of ten through Instagram at maybe an eight and dating sites clocking in at, oh, twelve. But one general sentiment seems to be shared: everyone is “killing it,” hustling like their life depends on it in, declaring they “work hard, play hard!” and it’s go-go-go-go-go all the time, presumably until they drop dead. It hit peak ridiculousness for me when I saw a profile in which the woman said: “If you’re bored, you’re boring.”
I happen to think being bored is pretty valuable—and vastly underrated in this age of constant electronic stimulation. And if everyone is a mega-overachiever with a requisite photo of themselves looking fabulous in Positano, I suppose that means everyone is … average?
For my fiftieth birthday earlier this year, my kids treated me to a long-lusted-after day at the Porsche Track Experience in Birmingham, Alabama (OK, so their mum may have had something to do with it). Being a Formula One driver is high on my list of “I could have done that given the chance!” fantasies, and it was fantastic to work with professional drivers and blast around a racetrack for a day.
But here’s what I learned. As the day wore on, myself and another driver were apparently the fastest on track but, oh boy, did the instructors have feedback for me. My problems were easy to diagnose: I consistently carried too much speed into corners, wiped too much speed off by braking late, and didn’t use every inch of the track to maintain my momentum. Basically, I was fighting the car all the time (problems I will rectify by returning repeatedly!). Turns out driving as fast as humanly possible all the time isn’t actually how you maximize performance.
“The secret,” three-time Formula One world champion Niki Lauda famously said, “is to win going a slowly as possible.”
That’s a philosophy I can get behind, and not because I’m a lazy bum who needs a lot of downtime (both of which may be true). But perpetually running at full-tilt is a recipe for disaster, and as exhausting as continually comparing yourself to those carefully curated social-media profiles. Neither activity is healthy, and it makes me wonder just what everyone is so frantically hustling toward. More money? More stuff? To win? And, if so, to win what, exactly? Life? Because (spoiler alert) that’s a race none of us “win.”
Don’t get me wrong: I’m not suggesting kicking back in a recliner—I want to squeeze plenty of juice out of this once-in-a-lifetime ride. I want a life filled with beauty where I’m healthy and happy and fortunate enough to share it with my kids. But, to paraphrase Neil Finn, who always arrives at these conclusions a couple of decades before me, no matter how many toys you've got, it’s never enough. Before you know it, you’re launching penis rockets or cosplaying Bane. Gather your thoughts, brake early and drive smoothly through the corners. You may even get there more quickly.
A note about whatever this is …
After writing a few thousand articles for newspapers and magazines, I spent a long time trying a bunch of other stuff. I guess I figured what came (relatively) easily must by definition be less valuable, so I wandered in the corporate wilderness, becoming increasingly frustrated and doing work that felt increasingly lousy.
Sometimes with age comes wisdom, and I’ve realized finding something (relatively) easy ain’t a bad thing. So, this is a space where I’m resurrecting writing for myself, on topics weird and wild and wonderful.
Posts will appear when the mood takes me, but I do try to be consistently inconsistent—sometimes it’ll be a couple of days between drinks; sometimes a week. But if you subscribe, you’ll get a email letting you know I’m ranting. Again.