Lost boys
America's men are drifting, and they risk trapping the nation in a rip tide.
If the United States wakes on November 6 to the second term of Donald Trump, we’ll know who’s to blame. The political divide between men and women is gaping: a majority of men of all ages support Trump over Kamala Harris, and it’s not just crusty old white guys ranting about people who don’t look like them.
In a recent review of critical swing states, men aged 18 to 29 years old favored Trump by 13 percentage points—a 51 point gap with women, who heavily favor Harris. There’s a 30-odd point gap between men and women aged 30 to 44; a roughly 25-point gap for people aged 45 to 64; and about 35-points for those older than 65. Trump is particularly strong with men without college degrees and young men of color, and is gaining ground among Latino voters.
“Economically they’re getting shafted, politically they’re getting shafted, culturally no one’s looking out for them,” the director of the Survey Center on American Life at the conservative American Enterprise Institute, Daniel A. Cox, told the New York Times. “They’re drawn to his message, his persona, the unapologetic machismo he tries to exude.”
Loath as I am to agree with anyone from AEI, there’s a worrisome and growing crisis when it comes to men in the United States, who feel increasingly lonely, devoid of opportunity, and simply lost. We can debate the reasons—dramatic shifts around gender norms and privilege, the impact of social media, the cynicism of those offering alternative visions of what men should be—but it’s the troubling reality.
What this election is again exposing is the dangerous appeal of populist solutions. We all tend to evaluate candidates through a “what will you do for me?” lens, which is why existential issues—such as the very future of democracy—don’t resonate. Forget the descent into authoritarianism; what about inflation? And in a nation grappling with multiple problems defying easy answers, it comes as no surprise many are gravitating to someone offering nothing more than “I alone can fix it.”
But Trump making hollow promises is nothing new—he’ll say anything in service of himself. What’s more troubling is that men increasingly view him as some sort of model of masculinity. Even Cox is careful to note Trump’s effort to be manly is something he “tries to exude”—it’s definitely a stretch to suggest a “real man” comes in the form of an obese, bronzer-wearing septuagenarian who’s unable to string a coherent sentence together, perpetually lies, never takes accountability, has been convicted of sexual assault, blew hundreds of millions of dollars of his father’s money in a failed business career, and generally lives life as a whiny victim.
“There’s a pretty big universe of women who think he’s a misogynist, that he doesn’t like women, that he demeans women, that he’s a sexual predator, et cetera, et cetera,” Harris campaign pollster John Anzalone told the Washington Post. “And without a doubt, there’s a group of men who thinks he’s an alpha male who is going to solve all our problems by flexing his muscles.”
That’s the answer for anyone asking the obvious question of how Trump—with all we know—retains a hold on around 45% of the American electorate. For many, it goes beyond a political divide. It goes beyond the misogynistic rejection of a potential female president. It even goes beyond any notion of policy. The embrace of Trump defies logic because it’s emotional, not intellectual. A big swath of the American population—dominated by men—sees the country’s problems as a question of attitude.
Trump has spent his life ignoring basic decency, hiding behind lawyers and money he never earned to spend life in perpetual conflict, taunting those who dare to challenge him with an approach that may be best described as sneering, “Whaddya gonna do about it?” For a sizeable chunk of American men—struggling to understand how their world has shifted and why—it’s no wonder they’re embracing the idea of a country that does likewise, bullying everyone into submission.
It’s preposterous, of course—the economy cratered under Trump, America’s standing in the world plummeted, and he’s considered a joke by world leaders. But that’s not the audience that matters. In a country that leans into jingoistic patriotism at every turn to mask its deep and growing insecurities, doing the exact opposite of what the world wants is relished with almost sadistic glee as a demonstration of the country’s exceptionalism.
Which brings us back to the election on November 5.
“My understanding, based on reports I'm getting from campaigns and communities, is that we have not yet seen the same kinds of energy and turnout in all quarters of our neighborhoods and communities as we saw when I was running," former president Barack Obama said last week. “Part of it makes me think—and I'm speaking to men directly—part of it makes me think that, well, you just aren't feeling the idea of having a woman as president, and you're coming up with other alternatives and other reasons for that.”
The comments drew criticism, with some arguing Obama was himself being simplistic in pinning reluctance to vote for Harris on sexism rather than on issues such a the state of the economy. There’s an element of truth in that, but with fewer than three weeks to election day, I’m on the side of stepping back to look at the big picture.
“The tone was off and undeserved, but the message was there,” Andi Pringle, the executive director of Registration Nation, told Mother Jones. “The point he was trying to make was yes, men may have issues, but you need to get past it because what’s on the other side is worse. There is no choice here.”
Note: The photograph accompanying this post is by Doug Mills of the New York Times.
A note about whatever this is …
After writing a few thousand articles for newspapers and magazines, I spent a long time trying a bunch of other stuff. I guess I figured what came (relatively) easily must by definition be less valuable, so I wandered in the corporate wilderness, becoming increasingly frustrated and doing work that felt increasingly lousy.
Sometimes with age comes wisdom, and I’ve realized finding something (relatively) easy ain’t a bad thing. So, this is a space where I’m resurrecting writing for myself, on topics weird and wild and wonderful.
Posts will appear when the mood takes me, but I do try to be consistently inconsistent—sometimes it’ll be a couple of days between drinks; sometimes a week. But if you subscribe, you’ll get a email letting you know I’m ranting. Again.